Today’s Leather Weather Forecast…
It was getting late in the summer, the sun was shining and we were having a comfortably warm weather day. Forecast mentioned possible thunder and showers, but let’s face it, the odds that the weather people are correct are pretty slim. Kind of like the odds of someone winning the lottery, me understanding algebraic and transcendental numbers, or Prime Minister Stephen Harper having a clue.
So after an intense discussion….
“Want to take the motorcycle to my sisters house?”
Brian gave the bike a quick go over and we donned our gear, which for him includes a helmet, full leather jacket, leather gloves and leather chaps…Buttless chaps, as in there’s no coverage for the butt, or the crotch for that matter…Hmm, there IS something to be said about a man wearing leather chaps. Although they ARE worm over pants…at least in public, hopefully. Um…I’m sure I was going somewhere with this. Oh yes, and for me it’s a helmet and partial leather jacket, by which I mean it has leather elbows and shoulder pads, but the rest is … well I’m not sure, but it’s supposed to give some protection. Anyway, I’m still new at all this motorcycling stuff, and haven’t acquired the minimal amount of leather wear like he has. Actually, he has provided me with what I have so far. If it weren’t for him I’d be naked….of any leather….for riding the bike. And if the cost of leather ever goes down, I just might take the next step of taking out a loan, and get a pair of leather gloves…for riding the bike. I’m not sure I want leather chaps though. “Dear, does my butt look fat in these chaps?” could lead to both of us being happy or one of us prying a helmet out of his behind.
After checking our back pack to ensure that our beverages were cozy, and then securing it on my back, we headed out. Ahhh yes…The warm sun, the caressing breeze, the raindrops…Wait a minute! Raindrops. As in water in the form of tiny water balloons. Balloons that burst when they make contact, rendering the contacted area wet. At this point they were only dropping sporadically and Brian wasn’t showing any sign of turning back, so I let myself relax. After all, the sun is still peaking out. No problem., just a few measly drops. Ha, I laugh at a few measly drops.
Well I don’t like Pina Coladas or getting caught in the rain….unless it’s 30c outside and I’m having a hot flash, and then I still don’t like Pina Coladas, but I would welcome the rain along with a gin and tonic with lime, not lemon …but I digress.
We were 3 minutes from home and drop……drop……drop. This soon turned into drop-drop-drop and my pants were showing some damp spots. It wasn’t overly unpleasant at this point, and as Brian appeared to be oblivious to it, I was still hopeful it would soon be gone. My optimism was suddenly washed away with… splash-splat-splash .. Ow …splat-splat-splat! ...Ow! … It was now PELTING down and combined with the speed we were travelling it felt like we were being bombarded with bullets….filled with water..and I think…Whose bright ideas was this?…Oh ya..haha…it was mine. Well it didn’t take long for my pants to become saturated, and my jacket eventually gave up any intention of protecting me and not only let the rain soak through, but completely turned on me as the neck (I swear) grew wider by 5 inches allowing a steady stream of water to run down my back, into the waist of my jeans and down my…..well you get the picture, which you’d probably rather forget. I knew Brian was dryer than I was by the simple fact that he was wearing so much leather. He seemed not to notice the rain, and proceeded down the road as if it were any other day,
When we were about 2 minutes away from my sisters, the rain stopped and the sun came out…go figure. We pulled into the driveway and I dismounted from the bike carrying an extra 25 pounds of water, and not waiting for Brian I drippled my way to the door and rang the bell. My sister greeted me with a laugh and “Come on in but try to keep the puddles to a minimum” As I stood in her entryway trying to get my riding attire off, Brian came in smiling like he’d just had a jovial jaunt down a county lane. As he stripped off his leathers, both my sister and I couldn’t help but be drawn to his crotch, which brought another smile to his face, although I’m not sure if it was pride or simply….no wait, he’s a man, so it was pride, well at least until he realized that since his chaps don’t cover that area, the rain took full advantage of that and now he looked like he’d just relieved himself.
She offered us clothes to wear while ours were drying, then we dug out the beverages from our back pack and when her husband got home, proceeded to being beaten assaulted slapped ….ok we were at the losing end of a cribbage game. During a break in the game my sister and Brian left the room and suddenly we hear “Let me feel your crotch” to which the reply was “It’s pretty good, I think it’ll do”. As her husband had not been present on our soggy arrival, he looked at me questioningly. I simply smiled and said “I’m sure it’s harmless. Drink?” and poured us another beverage.
Back in our dry clothes once again we made the return trip without so much as a spit. And now as I write this, Autumn has set in. Good heavens, last week we had snow….I know! …Sigh…I guess it’s time to store the bike and put away the leathers….Yes dear, the chaps too ….On second thought…