‘TIS THE SEASON….Fa La La La La

Deck the roads with flakes of snow

Fa la la la la la la la la

Add stupid drivers and off we go

Fa la la la la la la la la

Spinning and sliding ’round and ’round

Fa la la la la la la la la

Losing all hopes of making ground

Fa la la la la la la la la

 

 

I was born and raised in Alberta, Canada. In most parts of Canada, we have a time of year we call Winter, and during that time it has a tendency to snow. When snow lands on the ground it causes the roads to become wet, slushy and icy, making it a challenge to maneuver, and at the same time causing stupid cells in the brains of some drivers to increase ten fold and for me to stock up on Tylenol and Baileys. I know that every year, we get a few new people who move here from warmer places, but that doesn’t account for the number of drivers who still act like they’ve never seen snow before.

 

Recently we had our first snowfall of the season, and I was grateful that Brian had already put the ice tires on my car. Being a work day, I knew I needed to head out a bit early to make it to work on time. On a dry day it takes me about 15 minutes. On a new snow day I have to take into consideration whether it’s till snowing, the amount of snow already fallen, what phase the moon is in, and the drivers with no common sense that I have no doubt will be out driving with a cup of coffee in one hand, a cell phone in the other, while trying to clear the frost off the inside of the window with a scraper attached (by duct tape) to their nose and steering with their chin. Some days I have to leave before the sun rises to get to work by noon.

 

Shortly after leaving my house, I turned onto a road that descends and at the bottom of the hill is a stop sign, which is a good place for it because the crossroad is a major one. The vehicle ahead made NO attempt to slow down on approach until one foot from the intersection, and then I watched as he proceeded completely through it while doing a 360 degree turn, earning him a score of only 2 for creativity, and 4 for it’s execution. Luckily for him he didn’t hit anyone or anything, although I’d guess that he had a new wet spot on his pants that wasn’t just coffee, and his cell phone buddy learned a new expletive or two.

 

Then there’s those who don’t own a window brush or it’s buried under a mound of other stuff in the trunk that they don’t know how to use because, after all, they pay good money for roadside assistance and DAMN IT, they’re going to use it. I passed a vehicle that was completely covered in snow except for the drivers door and side window where it had fallen off when he opened it to get behind the wheel, at which time he had an explosion of stupid brains cells because he obviously began to drive. I had doubts that his Saturn was equipped with a GPS system that included an auto pilot function. Although it did bring a smile to my lips to picture him ending up surrounded by 50 head of curious cattle in a field 152 km west of his intended destination, because we all know that GPS systems never give you wrong directions.

 

After watching a snow ballet involving a delivery truck a mini van and a pedestrian who also seemed to suffer from stupid brain cell overload because he was oblivious to the the Don’t Walk sign and was accompanying a chicken across the road (no, I don’t know why), I made it to the highway and continued on my way, eventually pulling into the parking lot full of vehicles that have been parked by the relatives of the previous mentioned drivers, and although I’d rather be somewhere tropical, I found myself wondering what to make for supper and humming Christmas carols. FYI, chicken and fruit cake stir fry sounds better than it actually is. After parking next to an SUV taking up two stalls, I entered the mall, checked my purse for Tylenol, and sang my way to my (Guest Services) work station,…

 

Jingle bells, I’m in hell

I wish I was away

Any place, but the shopping mall

But I have to work today

 

The season HAS begun. With Brian and Baileys waiting for me at home, I know I’ll make it through 🙂

 

4 Comments »

  1. Jen Said,

    December 15, 2011 @ 9:04 am

    Another great post. Had me smiling the whole time. Chicken and Fruit cake really doesn’t sound all that good. And the parking lots at Christmas DRIVE ME CRAZY!!! It’s like just because you can’t see the lines, they cease to exist. I’ll just let my car roll to a stop and put it in park, regardless of the fact that my front bumper is even with the rear bumper of the person beside me. GRRRRR. Good one. And so long as the Bailey’s is waiting at home, and not in your coffee cup, we should be able to make it through okay.

  2. simone Said,

    December 15, 2011 @ 9:10 am

    Oh yahhhh 😀

  3. Walt Said,

    May 6, 2012 @ 5:55 pm

    Simone,

    You may not be aware of it, but someone is using your website in spam messages. These messages consist of a link to “http://simonebelland.com/blog/wp-content/themes/Lalaland/lifenews.php?joined160.jpeg.” It looks like a link to a picture, but it’s actually a link to a “work at home” site that a lot of people have labeled as disreputable. (The phrase “?joined160.jpeg” at the end of link address doesn’t actually do anything, and the rest of the link is automatically redirected to http://makemoneycompany.net/business-news-all/index.html.) I’ve received this spam message twice myself.

    Walt

  4. simone Said,

    May 11, 2012 @ 6:04 am

    Thanks for the info, I have someone working on that.

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